So i’ve decided i’m going to start journaling. about my days, my nights, my adventures that i experience in the bay area. I’m on this journey of self-discovery, my sex life, my emotions, my day to day life thrills.  And i want to start documenting.

Tonight, wow, it was amazing.  The Starry Plough Pub in Berkeley is a totally incredible venue. An outlet that has sparked artists to start more open mic nights because the community is hungry for places of expression. Ive been playing this place for months now, and tonight the show gave me chills. So many amazing musicians, with so much talent. If you get the chance and have never been you should definitely check it out.   http://www.starryploughpub.com/eventscalendar/upcoming

Anyway, right now i’m feeling overwhelmed in the love department. Actually, love is too strong of a word. Let’s say in the “emotional department”.  I am maintaining flirtatious, maybe even say romantic relations with 4 different people. 3 guys, and a girl. 
More details on this to be written but the details feel like they would take way too much time to write it all, and honestly that would just be too much time in my current state.

peace and love.

i like how when my world seems to be falling apart everyone else’s seems to be falling together.  The ex boyfriend seems to have found true love in my doppleganger.. the only difference between her and i, is she’s the straightedge version of me.  The ex girlfriend seems to have found love in some straight girl who shes had feelings for apparently for the last 9 months. wonderful. hope that works out for you all.

And here i am alone. in bed. drinking a PBR by myself.  Depressing. maybe it sounds like the ideal evening for some. but for me i want someone to care about what i’m doing this evening. i want someone to clink beer cans with and say cheers to. 
God this is depressing to think about, why is it that all the world seems to be able to find love and i am like SEARCHING and there are ZERO prospects.  not even potentials…

Thats my problem.. i’m searching for love and not letting it happen organically the way its meant to happen… maybe the cosmos will sense how miserable i am and help me out.